The Burger King Diet
October 24, 2008 · Print This Article
When the scale displayed 22% body fat at the beginning of this year, I figured that the time for a weight loss initiative had finally arrived. I wasn’t close to getting obese yet, but seeing how I was into my 30s now (when weight is notoriously harder to lose), and seeing how my physical weight had increased 25lbs since I had met Victoria (a gain I can squarely blame on Lair crunch time), I felt like I should reverse the trend while there was still time. Not through a fad diet, mind you. Through lifestyle changes.
Of course that meant eating more consciously, avoiding most fast food restaurants etc. I actually go to Wendys on a regular basis – their grilled chicken sandwich has honey mustard dressing instead of mayo, and substituting the fries for a side salad isn’t a bad deal at all. But I hadn’t been at a Burger King for ages. Until today, when I had to go to the Best Buy in Marin City, and didn’t have much time to find anything else to eat. There’s a Burger King right there, where my coworkers and I had some fun times several years ago – feeding burger meat to the eager pigeons (if you needed any more proof that pigeons are basically rats with wings, here it is). So I figured sure, why not? Maybe I’d forgotten that I once liked the place! So, picture me…
- Scanning the Burger King menu for anything that might come close to the Wendys chicken sandwich.
- Failing miserably. I don’t think they have anything on the menu that comes close to being healthy.
- Finally settling on a fish sandwich, because…well, you know, it’s fish, and is bound to have less calories.
- Finding Burger King’s nutritional information poster while waiting for my order.
- Discovering that my oh so well thought-out fish choice actually has 640 calories (add another 220 for the fries)!
- Resigning to this being an “indulgence day” – going overboard once every great while won’t ruin the diet. Besides, it takes 3500 excess calories to build one pound of body fat, so one Burger King sandwich can’t be too bad, right?
- Regretting the decision anyway, and already planning a contingency hike for the weekend.
- Driving back up 101 and starting to eat my BK BIG FISH I’M HAVING IT MY WAY! sandwich.
And then, just as I take the first bite of the sandwich (while angrily fishing for the french fry that predictably had fallen between the passenger seat and the center console) I’m getting saved by the bell:
The sandwich tastes horrible.
Absolutely dreadful.
I mean: really, really bad.
I’m not sure what I was eating. I’m not even sure if they gave me the correct order, because what I got only touched on the concept of “fish” marginally. Granular, greasy tasting breading wrapped around an equally granular, potentially fishy tasting paste. I took a couple more bites to fully confirm the fact that yes, Burger Kings sandwiches really are horrible (and to get a tiny bit of “nutrition” into my body before returning to work), and threw the rest away.
I’d like to think that that’s why, 10 months after situation 165, I’ve dropped a few percents of body fat: not accepting joints like Burger King as “food” really isn’t hard, you just gotta do it. And you don’t have to go to Whole Foods to obtain every lunch, convenient places like Wendys offer decent, healthly alternatives.
But now I’m thinking that going to Burger King instead would help me lose even more weight. Because I would never finish a meal, and my calory intake would drop drastically… But hey, if that sounds like the wrong way to diet, you’re probably right 
Hey Matt, I am a huge Factor5 fan ever since the early Turrican days in Cologne, and so every now and then I come across your page, which is pretty nice btw.
Anyways, being a game developer here in the U.S., doing crunch time, I know how much it sucks gaining unnecessary weight (due to lack of exercise and eating fast food. I figured that most of the foods they bring in at work (or the fast food stuff you can buy on the street for that matter) are just bad, well at least if you eat them regularly.
What I am doing now is, after work, I cook fresh stuff for the next day to make sure I eat at least 2-3 times a week ‘sort-of normal’ food. It sucks, standing at the stove, and takes precious time away but …you know it makes me somehow feel better seeing that I am at least not gaining weight anymore..
Crunch time weight management kinda sucks
I remember that the first time that I gained serious weight was during Sin crunch, and I didn’t even notice it then until I went back to Germany for xmas. I think I got rid of 6 pounds the following E3 by just walking, walking, walking around the expo floor.
I totally had it under control during Rebel Strike – I just went on a 1 hour mountainous hike for dinner break, instead of eating greasy food. But that broke down during Lair, too much to do.
Cooking your own food sounds like a good idea, actually. I can see how it sucks up time, and I’m not one of the people who enjoys the act of cooking, I’m all about the end result. But I would think that it makes you appreciate the food a lot more, instead of treating it like an afterthought.
I’ll chime in and say that cooking your own food has certain advantages. Mainly, that if you make more than you intend to eat at that sitting you can throw it into a container and have lunch already made for the next day.
We made curry vegetables with rice the other day and I now have lunch already made for the next 3 days with all of the left overs. So you don’t have to cook every single day if you don’t want to.
I would think there’s also the huge advantage over Burger King that when you cook your own food, you actually know what the ingredients are!
What are you guys talking about burker king big fish is amazing go fat people yum yum ha ha blubber
I way 1,000,000 pounds i love the blubber diabetes and everything jk If you dont like fast food cook your own food Fast food is okay if your in a rush but dont eat it every day it can actually kill you